When I write I feel...

I saw these words in oriah's website and thought that it could give me a chance to explore my writing prowess or my writing talent that slept way too long -it's been ages, as in really ages. I was too busy wishing, hoping for my life to turn out into something - busy looking, searching - when I know I have it all along - all these years. Going to another country, living a new life, a new environment, new people, I never thought I'd get back to what I loved doing since I was 11.
So, let's see, when I write I feel - some sadness that I didn't do it often. I feel a sense of joy that I can express myself freely without any pretense. A sense of control, not of the world but of the words that comes out of my mind.Writing is more of like talking to yourself without any inhibitions.
My late aunt has always told me to start a career in writing - i wrote a letter read during her funeral - i would have loved to read it myself but I am thousands of miles away - i promised her that I will write a book - er, one day. That day hasn't arrived yet. What am I waiting? I don't know.
Life as I have seen it the past 5 years (or more) wants so much. There are some decisions you make along the way that you have to live up to, contend to that you forget the most important things in your life - that make you -you.
I remember how I felt writing my first poem when I was 11. About friendship. I showed it to my mom, and my siblings. I was proud. Heck I even showed it to my science teacher. Yes, I was closer to her than my english teacher. I kept putting my feelings into words until I finished school. And then....nothing more. I felt it was too adolescent doing poetry and such. Until, some close relatives die, then I thought of writing eulogies - sad way to put it.
But above anything else, writing is one thing I can transfer my feelings to paper (screen) without feeling awkward and silly if I end up crying after.
I hope this is the start. I hope I can muster my courage again to write another one.