Just a bad dream...

Do you ever wake up chest feeling heavy, like you've cried so hard during your sleep? I do, and I just did.
I dreamt (one I can remember) was there's an exchange program of some sort, and people has to host one or two of these "guests"(i don't know where they came from). And in this dream(or nightmare), if there are two of you living in an apartment, one has to move out and go somewhere that "they" have designated to accomodate these "guests". So, Sue and I has to separate ways, and me having the dinner business, has to stay put. Sue left and I started panicking when I learned I don't have anybody to help me do the business. That's why I have chest pains when I woke up. For some stupid dream.
Sometimes, there are things you don't realize can affect you so bad, it can make your eyes watery and chest hurts like there's a ton of bricks laying on you while you sleep. For me, it's one of the worst feelings to have, specially when you are still asleep! Sleeping is supposed to relax your body. And you are "supposed" to wake up feeling refreshed and ready to start your day. Not me. Not today. I am not ready to start the day. I feel crappy and sad and heavy (must be that time of the month).
Nope, I am not in the mood to start lecturing about dreams and all that. I am thinking of how to make my day "uncrappy" - would nutella make a difference? what about shopping? or cleaning? or baking?
Oh, I think I'd just go back to bed and sleep again.

Auto-matic Day

I was in auto-pilot mode today. Like I am just doing what I was supposed to be doing without even thinking or stressing. Do you ever feel like that? Do you have days when your body just automatically does what it usually does.
I walked to work with my mind set on counting how many minutes does it take from point A (for apartment) to point D (for daycare). It took me 12 minutes. And that includes some stops at the intersection, stop at the bus stop (one lady wearing stiletto shoes tip toeing on the icy sidewalk) - so I had to slow down and wait for her to get her butt off the sidewalk (I almost asked her, why wear those anyway? it's still winter, lady!). Okay, breathe in. breathe out.
At the daycare, I knew what menu to cook for today. And I knew I couldn't make it the way I make it. So, comes auto-pilot or in my case, auto-cook. I don't know, but I just put things all together. And hope. And pray. That somehow, it will end up tasting as close to how I "usually" prepare the dish. I putter around the kitchen. Thinking of nothing really - coz my auto-cook is at work. Hey, I didn't even have to listen to classical music today (as my di stresser), I felt like listening to regular pop radio! Sure, my hands are working, but my brain is geared to auto mode. I guess you can call it, I am not myself today.
Obviously, there are benefits of having the auto-pilot at work. No stress. No worrying of how things will end up. The side effects? It made me so bored, by midday, I wanted to go home. I felt like I didn't do anything much. Good thing my auto-cook reminded me that I get paid by the hour and not by the day. So, the day passed and voila! kids are well-fed, couldn't get enough of the food, the adults even asked how I made it.
Oh, if they only knew. My auto-cook did all my day's work.

Nutellics Anonymous

This holiday weekend, I think I made new fans of nutella out of two kids (9 and 7). Sunday, when we all woke up a bit late to prepare a grand breakfast, I offered them to try my "favorite thing in the whole world"! And they look at me, as if to say, "she's gone bonkers".
Well, my name is Rein and I am a nutella addict.
My love affair with nutella started when we bought nutella from the store! Silly. I've always loved hazelnuts and with...chocolate? Mmmmmm, yummmm! Before, we'd be sitting watching a movie and Sue and I will have this craving for nutella. We'd fish out some soda crackers and spread nutella on it....yah...spread some loooove babe..
This madness continued on for awhile until unfortunately for Sue (but fortunately for me), she got tired of eating nutella. So, I held the fort. Ha! All for me???? YESSSSSSSS...
Whenever we go shopping, I make sure that I have a nutella-advance-stock in our pantry. I know I mentioned sending some to my brother (to recruit him as well). But for some crazy reason it always skips my mind. Funny, 'coz the ad said nutella will help make your brain function well. - Oh, I think only for kids, eh?
I am seeking therapy. NOT!. Why should I, nutella tastes good. And if somebody asks me what 3 things will I be taking to a deserted island, my answer would be, toothbrush, toothpaste, and....nutella! ...or maybe, a box of soda crackers, a spreader, and nutella! how about that!
Okay enough of this craziness. I only have nutella sandwich for breakfast. And when I get home from work, or when I need an energy boost!
Which reminds me, I need one right now. WOOooooohoooooo!!!

Sometimes I wanna be a BOOKie

I got a new book yesterday. Benazir Bhutto (Reconcilliation - Islam, Democracy and the West). I've been eyeing this book for a while. I saw it on the Doubleday flyer (was tempted to buy it online), then I saw it at the department store, and it was like calling me.. but of course, as what I'd usually tell myself (would I be able to finish reading it? do I need to know? do I want to know?).
So, yesterday, when I passed by again the book aisle, there, I saw it again. Little did I know that Sue was observing me, so she said, "get it now, you've been looking and looking at it, get it over with and put it in the cart". So I did.
Now, that was a long introduction.
To be honest, I haven't started reading it yet. I just read the backside, people's comments about it, and I just opened the first page and started reading the sides, and the first sentence of the first page.
No, I don't think I read that slow. I just wanted to treat this book as something special. The woman who wrote it was killed a few months before the book is published.
Usually, I start reading books as soon as I get it. If I like the book and how the author writes - like I can easily understand what the hell he's talking about, I would read it from cover to cover. And sometimes let my self go and explore the world the author's talking about.
I don't like fiction much. I love the one-person storytelling. After Mitch Albom's books (to which I read somewhere that he has a new book coming), I kind of drifted to health books - which I'd usually bring to the hospital when I have to wait for sue at the waiting area (very inspiring eh).
Some years ago, I tried reading Hillary Clinton's book but I don't think I've finished it, 'cause I still see a bookmark in it somewhere in the middle. Reason why I don't know.
Well this time, I take my time. I would like to absorb whatever insight I will gain from this book. I want to be emotionally and mentally prepared. Have a very open mind about things.
After all, not too many people can have an "insightful insight" around us.

Cuts like a Knife

...Actually, I was cut by a knife. I cut myself this morning at work while chopping some onions. Yes, it hurts. No, I didn't cry (well almost). But I tell ya, it woke me up! Okay, I wasn't dozing off but I didn't have any energy at all - specially when I learned I don't have the main dish to cook. And instead of stressing myself out, I felt so stressed to be stressed.
This is the second time it happened to me with the same knife but the 4th time I cut myself while working at the daycare. Yes, I got rid of the dull knives that wanted to chop my fingers off. My __boss prefer I use a new cheap knife than to get me a good knife and a very good sharpener. Oh well, life goes on. Maybe if my fingers ends up in a soup kids eat then she will wake up and give me a good set of knives. Eeeeow! that's way too creepy now eh. Okay, enough of this psycho sick-to-the-bone-morbid thought.
Let's get to some analogy shall we? A knife like any other person that comes along in your life, can be as sharp as new - you have to get to know each other before you can maximize the potential of your knife-knifer relationship. (knifer, I made this up, better than cutter). You have to get that groove on how to swing it, so that there'd be no arguments or discussion when you are both pursuing an important goal. Like any other relationship, there will be ups and downs - how you cut the onion is different as to how you cut the tomato. Or better yet use another knife for that. You don't want the juices out of the tomato before you can even benefit from it.
Yay! what an analogy. Maybe it's really not my day today so I better shut it.
Tomorrow could be slightly better. So, until then.

Winter whites and blues

I'm getting tired of winter. And pretty sure I'm not the only one. There are hundred or thousands or even gazillion of us!
First, it's no fun anymore to wear a heavy jacket each time you go out of your home. And if there's tons of snow, make sure you have your boots on, otherwise, your feet will be wet and shoes soaked.

Wait. Hmmm...I think, did I? wrote about this winter thingy.. nah, I think you're just imagining. That was somebody else's.

Okay on with the winter blues. So I guess that's why they call it blues. But all I see is WHITE!. And our neighbor mostly listens to reggae. (boink!)
I think we should just focus on the good side of winter. (Which is good because it's 6 am and I don't need to culminate some negative vibes before I go to work)
Let me think for a bit here. (ponder...pout...sigh)
I guess for some people, winter season that brings a lot of snow, is good- for skiing, for making their house postcard perfect, for covering up their ugly landscaped lawn, for covering the potholes on the road(sort of).
Also, during winter, you get to use your flannel sheets, your comforters, you flannel pjs, and of course ALL your socks!
So, I suppose it's not really that bad, just that you gain a few more pounds in and out. And you can't really tell when it's gonna end.
Darn! it's gonna snow again tomorrow...

Lost and Found

Yesterday (Saturday - in case you didn't know), I found a long lost friend of mine or rather she found me - again. It gave me an odd feel at first, thinking, "we've lost connection after high school and to think she drifted away from our group mid sophomore year, now what could we possibly talk about (other than high school updates)?" But after a couple of hi's and hello's, it just clicked - like we both knew where to pick up the conversation.
Yes, I thought of her every now and then, like when you would think of some people who came and went in your quaint life. When somedays you get to have odd moments where the world just stood still and you think of how the people you knew from the past is doing. Honestly, I never expected we'd ever talk to each other again. Other than probably the usual adding of batchmates to your friendster profile.
Nevertheless, I am glad. No, I am more than glad to be friends with her again. I just hope it's for keeps this time around. No more drifting away.
Come to think of it, most of us,we find comfort in having people we've known during our younger years. You got to admit it. It's like being with family. That no matter what your differences were or are, no matter what you've become, that part of you, the part that longs for a connection becomes alive. Is it because, you don't really have to pretend or put a mask or make a good impression like when you meet new people? I guess.
There's already a foundation either nurtured through the years, or left to be nurtured anew.
Now, I am getting serious about these things again. Sorry, it's the weather here - it seems like it's all-year winter season.
But yes, suddenly I find myself missing her, missing people in my past that I have fondest memories of. Don't you just love the surprises that life brings you?
For sure, I do.

Crossing borders

There is a borderline of friendship that can only be seen if you cross it. I don't know if that came out right but I hope it did.
A lot of books have been written about friendship, about how to nurture it, cherish it, remember it. Hmm, so far I haven't come across one that tells the don'ts. So, I guess we just have to come up with one as we go along the way. (to where I don't know)
One recent DON'T is don't judge your friend. Never assume you know your friend and tell it to their face what you think you know WHO they are. Never! Never do! Come to think of it, just because you hang out and you talk a lot on the fone every single day, you STILL don't have the right to accuse your friend of being somebody she is not. If I can only write all these on Caps without appearing too anal, I would. It's upsetting enough to hear harsh words from a non-friend, what more from a friend?
Now the Do side of this one is, if you plan to kill the friendship and not to hang out anymore, by all means, assassinate your friend (right to her face) and tell her how miserable you think she is, how a chronic complainer she is, how she didn't show any "compassion" to your miseries in one of the darkest hours of your life while you were sulking and your partner was shoveling the snow (out in the cold). Then by all means, DO! Do tell!
Whew! So you think you know somebody, when that somebody whom you call your good friend, thinks she has you all figured out.
I suggest to think any words that will come out of your mouth before you even speak it. As the saying goes, "If you don't have anything nice to say, then don't say anything at all" (or something to that effect).
And that my friend, is true.