I don't get it

Using the fireplace near summer? Really?? Like, REALLY????

I must be just dreaming, the stench of wood burning combined with the city air breezing through the window..at 1 am!!! How can I be so lucky?! NOT!

This city-life is really trying its best to push me out. Two more weeks and I am out of the city...ok? Promise!

Believe me, your olfactory senses is put to the test when you live in the city. And if you lived here for awhile, you can be able to identify certain smells - good and the not-so-good to bad and the WORST. No, no, I am not complaining. I am just stating facts. And sharing what are the (dis)advantages of being in the city. From your neighbors' cooking (mind you, the smell of bacon is always inspiring - ha!), down to the smelly joints of the happi(take note not "y") people in the neighborhood.

I never imagined that my sense of smell can be heightened by just living in a busy place. And I mean, if you go about your day, you can list hundreds of different things you smell in the city. And you don't have to go very far!

Yes! it's 4 in the morning and for pete's sake, somebody stop that chipmunk burning wood at this hour!..sheesh!

These Loving Thoughts

I wonder if you would

hold my hand

When we are out for dinner,

For a walk

Amidst friendly faces and strangers

I wonder if you would

kiss me

When i least expect it,

just because you felt like

Giving me a glimpse

Of your heart in-love.

I wonder if you would

put your arms

Around me...

When you sense i am tired

Or just needed to know

I am loved..

I wonder if you would

wipe away

A drop of ice cream or

Ketchup near my lips..

With your gentle touch

As if I am the only one in the room.

I wonder if you would

Introduce me to your world

as one who puts a smile

on your face

each day and loves you

unconditionally..

I wonder if you would

Let me do all these things

To you

In every loving way I can

For the rest of my life

For always...

Everyday should be this way...

Let's have something light and more upbeat as we head to summer, shall we??



See what I mean?

Shelf life

"Your battery is charging normally, however it is reaching the end of its usable life". That's what my puter tells me as soon as I turn it on.

"...reaching the end of its usable life" -what a life, eh? Was there such a thing as "non-usable" life? I wonder. Sometimes. Only sometimes. I know if your life is used..ah, it doesn't sound right, unless of course the life is used by you, therefore, used life. Stop confusing! Ha!

My furry friends, it's 4:57 and to be waken up by a sore tummy isn't helping in trying to finish this post. So bear with me. I actually started writing up this one earlier, then I decided to check on my friend's aunt who lives across the border..and before you know it, I have completely forgotten my train of thought with this one...yes! I missed the train, miss the bus, what else can I miss.. (maybe that's why they call me Missy @ work - hmmm...)

Okay! So a non-usable life it is. And that is what I suppose most peeps fear. To be just a mere statistic. But mind you, probably others doesn't even think about these things...too busy living - and by definition means working, taking care of others' needs, forgetting their own. Hmm..did I just described my life? Oh no!...can't be...nah...

Let's get a bit serious now. Just a bit, ok? At one point in my quaint life, I didn't want to be a mere statistic. Never really liked the subject - heck I had to pass 2 terms with Statistics in college! Okaaaay....Maybe that was the reason I ended up volunteering in a family crisis center in my late 20's - hoping to make some sense of the life I would want to lead. At that time, I began realizing I wanted to matter. Even just to matter to another human being. Uhm, yes it crossed my mind that maybe I was abducted by aliens and transformed into one of them. Or, I am an angel in human form. Ha!

Wouldn't that be a nice ending though isn't it? To live a life that matters - not just to another but to yourself as well. I suppose it is important we live our "usable" life in a way that would make us proud of ourselves when the time comes it becomes "unusable", we could say - "now that is what I call 'used' life".

Let's keep on dreaming...

When you are Kid-transparent

"Are you happy or sad?", a 10-year old asked me today. Hmm...not so much of a tough question but it's froth with answers. Answers which I don't think this 10 year old kid who has known me since he was 2 or 3 (?). I suppose I am that transparent to them to notice if I was having a bad hair day or not. All he wanted to know was, if I was happy or not.

So how did I answer? I came up with the adult world.."oh I'm ecstatic".Then he goes, "are you ecstatic -happy or ecstatic-sad?". Kid, why don't you just give it up, huh? I tried ignoring his questions and started walking away - and blurted, "just ecstatic". End of story. End of questioning. So far...

I am not one to just confide to a 10 year old about how I am feeling. Although, there were times, this kid and I would talk about how he feels towards his parents being separated, his classmates/friends in school. You know, kid's stuff. And me being a grown up trying my best to listen to his neverending stories. What a classic.

So am I happy or not? Uhmm, excuse me, waiter! I need water!. Ha!..Are we gonna go thru this happy word again? I am becoming a redundancy to myself..See what I mean?! Okay Stop!

The whole shenanigans of emotions - can very well fill you up with other sub-emotions such as anxiety, madness, confusion among others. I try not to dwell on that my furry friends. At least not right now. I don't have the luxury of time - I have been counting days and weeks until I am off work and on with my summer - ahhh...my summer!

My different summer this year...YESSSS...oh yess...it's gonna be a different one alright... but I can't share anymore deets about it. At least not just yet. I am hoping not to envelope myself with so much stress again... Last year was a roller coaster of emotions. A very stressful summer of last year..Never again...not in the near future at least.

What else can I say at this hour?(23:17) Nothing..I think my brain is starting to shrivel up - no more creative juices coming out...just droplets....just drops...

Life's Reality bites BUT

Bear with me today, my furry friends. I just feel like writing something from the heart...Yes! I opened up my chest and scribbled down some notes here and there...Ha!

I know I have been a little dormant for a long while. With just my mind actively thinking of how I perceived my life to be at this point. And today, sunday, I'm not gonna lie..but this weekend seemed to be by far the longest weekend I ever have for the longest while - and I don't mean by number of days but the feeling that came with it. Can it be the weather?..

Yes, blame everything to mother nature...sure, never look inside you and ask that maybe your life is slowly "churning"...awaiting that big day.

Ohh I like that word "churning", like when making ice cream! ah Happiness!!!...at this point I am not sure where this post is headed...ok, right about now? Ha!

Point taken, the past months, or even years..I knew what I have always wanted. What everybody wanted - to be happy! I find comfort in realizing things (a.k.a. my life) still has hope - 'coz I can still smile and be goofy with my friends, with the people I work with, and even with people I don't know.. Ha! creepy! There, kidding aside, I know deep down, life's road will have to turn somewhere. And it is! Not too fast though but slowly getting there..

Ok! stop typing in jargons! I am not. First of all, I don't even remember what the hell that word means. Ha! Before you start thinking that AGAIN, this post is going nowhere...let me ask you this, isn't it true that we both want the same thing? (PAUSE HERE).

With all it's simplicity, being Happy is a complex word. Maybe as a child, it would just mean having ice cream..or even riding your bike the first time..but as an adult, the web of its meaning gets a bit tricky. You start attaching it to things, to people, to events...to the kind of life you perceived and how much you have achieved. Ahh...at one point I even associate it with being alone (even for a few hours). An oasis. Wee hours in the morning. Just typing away. Alone with my thoughts.

Getting serious now. Really? Ahh I wish! I wish I had the gift of being able to perceive life as serious. NOT! Ha! I suppose I take things in stride. I learned to take life as it blows my way. If it doesn't, well tough. All these years, I realized I was trying to deceive life that everything is going perfect according to plan. I don't know whose plan but well, it is going according to plan. But now, I know for a fact that if you only listen to what life is telling you - you will be fine.

Let life takes its course - you're born, you live, then you die. Ha! WAIT! what happens to "being happy" now? Oh I don't know..how did we get to the "life" word anyway?? I am so lost now! Ha! Let me go back and review what I just typed...

Aha! Being happy!...so you see, my furry friends, being happy is such a relative word.. by whose family I don't know. But one thing I am sure though..I had enough of being UNhappy..it's time to remove the "UN".

Weekend Song Part 2

I won't say much here today right now. This song says it all..and hey, it shows the lyrics! Ha!



I couldn't say it any louder...don't you agree?