Some Updates

I know, I know, before you start shaking your head in disbelief - yes! this is a new post! And it's a new season!
Okay, so for some updates (before my blogsite becomes obsolete, and writing blogs becomes the thing of the past).
First, today, Sunday, the 19th is my birthday. Woohooo! party time! Except there's no party. Instead, I am doing some laundry. I intend to do some meringue in a bit. And I plan to just watch tv all day.I am getting old. So, I should be practising what old folks do. Ha!
My days have been very hectic - with work and school. And recently, Sue finally had her operation. So my schedule has been crazier than usual. To give you a rundown :
6:30 - start waking up, eat breakfast, check emails.
7:15- leave the house, walk to work (approx. 11-12 mins)
7:30 - 2 - work, work, work
2:15 - arrive home, eat lunch take forty winks
3:00 - take a shower, prepare for school
3:35 - get out of house, catch the 3:41 bus
4:30 - arrive school, change uniform
5-10 - class - try to stay awake
10:01 - change uniform - really fast to catch 10:06 bus then run and catch train @ metro
10:54 - start walking, missed the 10:53 bus. 10-11 mins walk to home.
11:03 - eat very late dinner. do some homework, check emails.
12:00 - sleep....and sleep...
This schedule goes during weekdays. On weekends is another story. I have to cook my lunches ahead so I don't get so stressed in cooking at home in-between. Weekends I have to do laundry, clean the house. Do some homework. Practice some techniques I learned during the week.
And now, since Sue needs some assistance in getting around our small apartment, I need to revise my schedule a bit. Instead of taking my forty winks, I help her take her in taking a shower, or massage her foot.
Speaking about the operation. The revision hip surgery itself went well. BUT there's a complication that came with it. She ended up having a footdrop or Dropfoot. Which is causing her so much pain in walking and even while laying in bed. I can only imagine the pain she's going thru right now. So the least I can do is to help her make some chores easier.
If you ask me, school is fine. Our class is really a mixed bag of potatoes. Some nights you wonder if you are in high school or adult ed. It can be ridiculous. Our teacher chef is good. As a person and as a chef. During our first day of class, he told us that there are no losers in his class. (Which gave most of us a relief). But as the days go by, you know that there are self-proclaimed idiots in class - who I think are trying to relive their high school days. Maybe if my schedule permits, I will share more about what goes on in class.
Okay, in the meantime, my laundry needs some attending. Ciao for now my furry friends. Don't forget my blog....even if it doesn't make any sense sometimes. Keep warm...winter is just around!

First day, not today but tomorrow

Something's bugging me lately. If you ask me if I am excited for tomorrow's first day - well, yes. But at the same time I have an anxiety slowly developing as the clock starts ticking. I am anxious about riding the bus and the metro - again.
It's been awhile since I last rode the metro and bus around here. Sure, Sue can take me to school then pick me up. But with the price of gas and time constraints, it is much more logical to take the bus and metro. Hey, the bus stop is just across the street from our building and when I take the metro it's just gonna be a few minutes travel time (roughly about 30 - 40 minutes, I am there at the school) - granting instead of taking the whole orange line, I cut across the blue line and reach my stop faster with just 12 stations instead of going the whole 21. See here.
So you might be wondering, what the hell am I getting anxious for if I know where to go and which station to take? Well, you see, I am very good in getting myself confused and lost. Yay! So I breathe in and breathe out.Hummmmmmmmm...
My friend says, I will be alright. Let's just hope so.
The message from the machine said the class starts at 5 and ends at 10. Wish me luck.

Not Just Another Lion Story

Heya, my furry friends! I know I've been out for ages...as Nat L. would put it, it's summer and we just can't sit in front of the puter when we have some free time from work! And I'm pretty sure you have been, too...so stop bickering...sheesh!
Anywho, let me share you this video I found on the net (where else?) It's very touching makes you wanna go to big department stores and look for a pet (or if you end up finding something else, it's ok - there's always another day) Ha!



Now, are you sobbing?? Here, some tissues.
In the meantime, I'm blowing my nose.

That "F" word

I'm not effing you, it's all about Fish and Flowers. Just that. Butterflies not included (unless you want to pronounce it differently).

I suggest you click the music for your viewing pleasure. Ha!

?Road signs

Can you imagine the road without signs? Well, there are some that you don't know if you're going in circles or squares - we were lucky we just had to turn around a couple of times - no more than that. Yep, sometimes the road and the map just gets confusing - specially if the roads seem to look all the same. And yes, I "think" I've learned to read the map - hmm...did I say, I think? Let's leave it at that, shall we?
So here is the second slide of pictures. I suggest you click on the music. It'll be fun.

If you're asking if we saw even a shadow of a moose or a deer - hell no! We've seen some hit and run creatures left in the middle of the road (or sometimes at the right lane).Creatures like : skunk, rodent, fox, cat, hat, remnants of a truck tire, etc.
And nope we didn't dare travel at night - a lot of scary creatures out there!

The weather on cloud Nine or just Seven

Heya my furry friends. I am back - from vacation and I think I need another one right away!

As promised (or did I?), here's the first slide of pictures. I will first show you what the weather was like during our roadtrip. From day one til the day that we went home. Take note that these were taken starting from the province of Quebec to the province of New Brunswick. We took the scenic route going and took the regular (a little boring) route back.

Don't worry, this is just the first of the many slides I will show you. Hey, I can only do so much here...I am still on vacation mode.
You may have noticed that most are taken while on the road, that's what you do if you don't drive and is the passenger ALL THE TIME.
Well then, I hope you enjoyed this first one.

Last minute singing

We are off to the main event of this 2-week vacation. As you know (if you still don't, I advise you to read the previous blog), we watched a Just For Laughs gala last night. It was fun. But I will share more details when we come back.
Anywho, I leave you with this song - which is so befitting of the festival. Ha! Seriously, it's such a nice song and a quick study if you may.




Nice, eh? So, keep cool my furry friends...until next time.

"Un"planned and Planned Plans

Ah...you might be wondering how am I holding on being off work for two days now. TERRIFfIC! MAGNIFIQUE!!!! Never felt any better.
Since Saturday, I have been doing some "vacationing" - for one, I woke up a little late than usual. (my wake up time is @ 6:30 but since the start of vacation, it's 8:30!), I still cook a bit - well, we are trying to empty our fridge before we go camping. And would you believe that since the past days I have been eating a good number of eggs in a day! You'd think I am in an egg roll! Wait! That didn't come out right. I'm on a roll with eggs! Yikes, doesn't sound right either.
Anyways, I should tell you my "has been" schedule.
MONDAY: I just stayed home. Did some usual cleaning and a not-so usual cleaning -(like rearranging stuff inside the cabinet under the sink). Put my "babies" (my chinese bamboo plants) under the shower for a good rainy effect then placed them by the window sill for a nice sunbath.
TUESDAY: Woke up late again. Did the laundry. Went out with Sue to have the tires changed. Yep, the red baby should be ready for that road trip on friday. Then we had to re arrange our front door closet (okay, front door - near the door?) to accommodate the old tires - don't worry, we put a nice pillow case on each one. and put a lot of moth balls inside the closet - so that should do.
And this is the "would be" schedule for tomorrow 'til friday:
WEDNESDAY: Dentist appointment @ 10. Then we have to start loading the van of the camping necessities. And have a just for laughs gala to see @ 7. (hosted by Joan Rivers - should be really down on the floor funny)
THURSDAY: Last minute packing for the roadtrip. We have to drop off some cds to Sue's Jamie - as per his request. Set the alarm early. Sleep early to beat the alarm.
FRIDAY: We hope to wake up really early to beat the traffic. And we're off!
Okay, so I will just update whatever happens next. As you can see,my writing is all over - like doesn't make any sense - except for the scheduling part.
But definitely, I will be posting some pictures and more pictures next time.
Tah tah for now my furry friends.

Vacation Anxiety (Disorder) - NOT!

I have three more days to go. Three more days to tolerate the crazy people at work. Three more days to keep it together. Hummm....Breathe in breathe out. Hummm...
There's something about vacations. Actually, this is my first real vacation since I worked here in Tralaland. I say real, because the past years, I would take a week's vacation and still work at the other job. Yes, you read it right, I would just take a week off. Somehow I would feel sorry for the little monsters not being fed right if I'd be gone long (say, straight 2 weeks?)
But this year is different. I just have to take a long one. And long I meant, just two weeks straight - unadulterated, uncut, no other work, and not even think of finding another job or doing another job.
Yes! I am gonna savor every minute of it. Every second. And perhaps every ounce of sweat - since if you haven't noticed lately it seems like we are inside a giant oven turned at 375 degrees.
So you might ask, what are my plans? Nothing! I just left it all to Sue and I will just adhere to whatever she would like to do and wherever she wants to go. And of course camping is one. Hey, the possibilities are endless. I have two weeks!
The only irony about vacation days is it comes to an end. It does. But I believe that having one shouldn't be a guilt trip to anybody. We all deserve it. Otherwise, we'd go bonkers and our work productivity gets affected. I just wished they could be longer. Without the worries of paying bills, rent, and tons of other bills. Hmmm....I think I just wished to win the lottery!
I should buy that ticket. Ciao!

My life's next Chapter...

It's official. I am going back to school (in August). For those who don't know yet, I've decided to pursue a career in cooking. Yes! I am going to be a certified Chef. So, next year, you can call me Chef Rein. Ha!
Now, I don't really know what to expect what would become of this career change so to speak. It's not really a change for one, since I have been working as a cook for some three years now and for the love of me, why didn't I thought of getting certified before? Well, I did thought about it but never really looked into it and acted on it. I can think of so many reasons why I didn't but you would think I am just making excuses (which I probably did back then).
After all the running around and doing pre requisite exams, this should be worth it. It just gotta be. I have looked into the school, been a student for a day and saw how the chef shouts at those who makes mistakes in the kitchen during crunch time. And my conclusion? I think I can hack it. But of course, there's still some uncertainty here and there. Don't worry though, I am determined to make it all happen. I need that certificate!
In the meantime, I think my meringue smooches are ready to come out of the oven.

Sunday At The Fair

These are some pictures of the Ormstown Fair we went to last Sunday. Yes, it was hot. And I mean temperature HOT!!!
We went there because of Sue's youngest son joining the demolition derby. Which, we go to every time Jon joins in some small town fair. Well, for moral support you know and for documenting purposes (I think he loves it that we put the pics in a disc and with background music to go with it).
Anywho, also take note of the derby pics was taken by Laurence. I gave him an assignment to be the paparazzi this time - to which, my poor camera suffered some bruises and scratches...tsk tsk..my fault.. I let a 10 year old boy handle it. Oh well..
Back to the derby, honestly, upto now, I still don't understand the whole point of bumping these delapidated cars (well, they are pimped and sort of dressed up or should I say messed up) - and the last car running ends up winning! You might say, it's all for the fun of it. But seriously, WHY? WHY? WHY? Or, maybe I'm just being too serious about it.
So there we were, we watched the derby. Watched Jon's poor car get hit by several cars and then stopped running.
We went home all sunburnt. And heck, I turn on the tv, watched the US Open, and fell asleep.
Some sunday eh.

Oatmeal Day-saster

I made a boo boo the other day. I burnt the oatmeal for the kids. Yikes! I know, I know. How on earth can one possibly burn oatmeal - well, for one, I used a different pot. Let me tell you about this pot : The first time I used it, it did easily burnt the milk, so I learned not to use it for oatmeal. Then another time I used it to cook pasta, and voila! it also burnt the pasta. Heck! I think when I used to boil some water, it also did burn the water! So I gave it a rest. I never put it on the stove for sometime. Until one day, I decided to give it another test on cooking rice. And guess what? It cooked the rice just fine! No burning or anything!
So, gullible me, thinking that maybe this pot had a change of heart now (after a long hiatus). So I used it for cooking oatmeal.
Oh poor kids. And for some unexplainable reason, I didn't make the flavor that they'd usually gobble down easy. I regularly make the apple cinnamon flavor of the oatmeal - i make a syrup with the grated apple and dash of cinnamon. That day I just made the syrup with plain vanilla. And the pot just burnt my oatmeal....tsk tsk.
Now, you must be wondering, how did these kids react or did they even notice? Of course! Well, the bigger ones did. As soon as they were given each a bowl, one started to ask me, "tita reina, what did you put in it?". And I go, " why?" and she go, "it smells different". Haha! if only they knew the word on how to say it. Then asked another kid, "ya, tita reina, what did you put?". And poor tita Reina, didn't know what to tell them - should I go, " sorry kids, I burnt it" or should it be, "the pot burnt the oatmeal!" (nah, they are too smart for that). So I just answered with, "I put vanilla in it" end of story. I went back to chopping some veggies. Oh my! I couldn't face my daily critics! They just know if something went wrong with what they "normally" love to eat.
But then again, they were hungry and they know that lunch time is quite a long time to wait. So, they still ate it.
So I just consoled myself with the thought that I will just do better with their lunch. Yeah sure, their lunch that day is just mere cheese sandwich and a chicken ala king (with macaroni). How can I revive my reputation with that? I am so done. My life was over. (so I thought)
Lunch came and they ate. And some had seconds and thirds. It was as if they've forgotten how lousy the oatmeal was in the morning.
And at snack time in the afternoon. I thought the cookie is another flop. Well, it was a flop sort of. It was flat and kinda too sweet I think.
But what d'ya know, when I was saying goodbye to them, one kid tells me, "bye tita reina, thank you for all the food". Ha! I don't think it was sarcasm. They don't know that word yet.
And for some reason, I know, my life wasn't over. Not yet anyway.
Kids. They are so forgiving. And oh so forgetful. Ha!

Just another week/end-ed

I tried to have just a peaceful weekend but for some reason, something, oh something just has to rock my boat even a little.
Let's start with Saturday. At around 11 in the morning we heard a loud knock on the door. When I opened, a shirtless black man with a very defensive aura appeared before me, saying, "yu klaushkkdl idslkmnkxoelsjkflaf" Okay. I am not kidding. That's how I heard it. And I go, "what??" So he spoke slowly and with a softer tone this time, "you do so much stompin' on the floor". I was tempted to answer him with "are you high on somethin'??, nobody is doing no stomping here!" but of course, I knew he was ready to just start an argument, so I said, "oh, so-rry" then closed the door. His reaction? He said, "ok" then shrugged his shoulders and went away. Ha! Asshole!
How on earth can I do some stompin' when I am sitting in front of my puter most of the time that morning? Unless, stompin' is the new walking. Sue called the building super and told him what this idiot told us. He said, I shouldn't have apologized for "walking" in our own apartment. Most likely, this guy is so high that everything that he hears is magnified a thousand times. Besides, they have been evicted from their apartment and should be out of the building by Tuesday.
Sunday. I woke up early and did some chores. And assessed myself if I am up to going to museums. Since it's a free museum day! But of course, I would also have to think of Sue, how she feels and if she is up to walking a lot of mileage inside different museums. But then again, what about just baking some chocolate muffins or better yet - nutella muffins!!...well, yah, so I suspect you already know what I chose. It's not hard to choose really...museum or muffins? Both starts with M silly! how hard can that be?
Anywho, another weekend passed. Another blog written. And what d'ya know! It's another work week! Wooohooo!!!!.. I'm so ecstatic. Not.
Go on, get back to work.

Song for Mai

I know, I know I like the songs of Natasha Bedingfield (and Colbie, Alicia, Duffy, among others) But this song is rather true. Come to think of it.

And it goes for the one I care so much about lately. Things will be alright, Mai.




I am unwritten, can't read my mind, I'm undefined
I'm just beginning, the pen's in my hand, ending unplanned

Staring at the blank page before you
Open up the dirty window
Let the sun illuminate the words that you could not find

Reaching for something in the distance
So close you can almost taste it
Release your inhibitions
Feel the rain on your skin
No one else can feel it for you
Only you can let it in
No one else, no one else

Can speak the words on your lips
Drench yourself in words unspoken
Live your life with arms wide open
Today is where your book begins
The rest is still unwritten

Oh, oh, oh

I break tradition, sometimes my tries, are outside the lines
We've been conditioned to not make mistakes, but I can't live that way

It's another Weekend!

Don't you just love this song...very springy!

Stupid Gurl

I don't know what came over me and I end up screwing my puter of 6 weeks! Can you believe that?! Didn't even take me 6 months but 6 weeks to f**k things up.

Okay the story goes, I was in bed watching Criminal Minds and having a sip. And decided to play around my puter and thought that maybe I should do some dusting here and there...by dusting I mean doing a disc cleanup, running the registry and the antivirus programs. And before you know it, I began clicking stuff which I should have just left by their lonesome. But NO! I've decided to take that risk and click that small tiny button. Yay! Who's crying now, eh??? Huh?!

To be honest I am not a puter program savvy, nor am I the bios type. I am just one who likes to surf, cut and paste, write in and out, click here and there type of girl. So, when all my icons on my desktop disappeared before my eyes, I started panicking! Help! And I rebooted! Smart eh..yeah, so smart I lost all my documents and pictures...NICE...

I tried tweaking here and there and when I finally started getting a headache I knew it was time to stop and accept the fact that it's gone. All is gone. Some smart risk taker. Tsk tsk.

But hey, there's always a solution to every problem right? Granting you know where to look and you know what the hell you are looking for.

And then again, I don't cry over spilt milk. Much more over some lost files...specially if I am the one to blame! Ha!

Dance the Night Away!

I know, I know, I posted this one last nite, then decided to remove it and place it on a playlist. But now, I decided - whew- to put it back! Aren't you glad you're not me?!

Long Weekend Song...that's more like it..

It's gonna be a long weekend...not camping weather yet...so just sit back and relax and enjoy...ahh fresh polluted air of the city...Ha!

Fortune Telling

I had a job interview yesterday and for the love of me, I was asked the most overused, adulterated, misconstrued, trickiest and over enunciated question - "How do you see yourself in 5 years?"
I remember when I was first asked with that question - hey, it was also in a job interview! And that was many years ago! They start asking you that question the minute you apply for your first job - your potential master (coz you are a potential slave) , wants to find out if:
a. you can foretell the future,
b. you can be manipulated in the next 5 years,
c. you can be a nuisance and a good cover up for how the company is failing in the next couple of years without you suspecting that they hired you so they can cover their asses to the higher ups,
d. they just don't know what to ask you and they still have a couple of minutes to spare before breaktime.
It's a trick question actually. You answer with whole honesty, like what you really intend to do in the next five years of your life (granting you are still alive and well) and voila! forget about getting the job you are applying for. Or you try to impress your interviewers with a much-thought-carefully-planned answer and hell no! you'd be bombarded with more questions that you find yourself squinting, fidgetting, and trying to cram the answer file folder at the back of your head and voila! (again), you leave the room, trying to figure out what went wrong with your well rehearsed answer to that elusive question of all time. Tsk. tsk.
So, you might be wondering how did I answer that question. Well, lucky for me, I already have the premonition that whatever and however I answer that question, it will not affect my standing in getting the job (or in this case, NOT getting the job)
When the interviewer asked me, "how do you see yourself in five years?" I go, "ah, in five years? let me see, (sigh) in five years i will be 40!" Haha! What the hell are you asking me? How would I know if I am still alive in five years! If I tell you that I see myself in your chair, would you still hire me? Guess not! 'Coz obviously, you are not about to give up that chair for me after five years of sitting on it - and there's just no way I'd sit on it after five years of me standing here in front of you. Geez woman!
I have been asked that question for the nth time throughout my lifetime and believe me, none of my answers came close to how I've seen myself in the next five years. So, please, just ask me what I had for breakfast or what I am planning to have for lunch. Then I could give you a clear honest to goodness answer. And maybe we could even have dinner.

U Just Gotta Laugh

It's just so hard not to roll over and die laughing!

Back to My First Love

Nutella. For awhile now, I try to ignore the calling. I think I even had some withdrawal symptoms by doing that. I would have boiled eggs for breakfast - completely no nutella in sight (yes, I kept the jar in the cupboard so I won't see it and it won't see me). And somedays I'd have just an apple, or just the orange juice.
When I come home from work, instead of grabbing a slice of bread and spreading some looooove, I head for the chips or some rice cake to snack on while waiting for lunch to cook.
And today, I got sad. I miss my nutella. I tried not thinking about it but it's raining outside today and the loaf of bread was calling me - 'toast me! toast me!'. And what goes good with a toasted bread in the morning? My nutella! Why, did you just said butter? Shame. Shame. Shame.
So, I grabbed the nutella from hiding. Rescued it from the dark. From being alone with all the other prisoner cans and jars.
Hey, did you notice I'm getting nuts? I have to stop this. Not the nutella mania, silly. This blog. Right now. Bye.

Stinky Mo'ryal

Yesterday, while walking to work, you just can't help smelling the breeze touching your cheeks, blowing your hair...eeeow! Montreal was stinky! Smells of dog poo. Yep, you read it right, I smelt it as soon as I stepped out of my apartment building. I thought, it was just because somebody must have probably left their dog poo on the front lawn of the building, but when I start walking, and even crossed the street - Man, oh man!..the city stinks!
And the other night, I couldn't put myself to sleep because some farm smell came to the city and invaded our apartment (we leave our windows open these days - for fresh polluted air to flow in). I had a tough time going to sleep.
Yeah I know, my olfactory sense is very sensitive these days. Signs of aging I guess. Ha!
But really now, why does this lovely city of Mo'real stinks of dog poo? Well, right now, I couldn't quite smell what's in store for today..but still, yesterday was really bad. I think that's why I asked Sue to pick me up after work. My subconscious couldn't take the smell of the city yesterday.
There are a lot of dog owners here in the city. No problem with that. It's when they start being irresponsible in cleaning up after their doggies. Stinky people! They would walk their dog, and would forget to pick up poo after. But in fairness, not all of them are like that. You'd still see some of them actually pick up with their dog poo plastics and putting it in the trash. But others, oh forget it! Lazy ass!
(sigh) Well, today is another day. And I am hoping that when I get out of the building, the usual fresh polluted spring breeze will greet me. Let's keep our fingers crossed, shall we?

Color blind spot

I have an epiphany today. Yeah, I've used this word in my other post, but hey, this is my blog so I can use words anywhich way I want to.
We are all slaves. We became slaves the minute we understood that this society we are born into expected us to be dictated upon by which I should say it's not a free world after all.

My college professor in sociology once said, everything around us, tells us how we should act and how we can be accepted in our society. I remember her not too well, but one flashback...she was sitting on top of the table in her jeans, and lecturing us about how revolting the society makes us (or makes her) feel. From the traffic lights, how it manipulates people to stop at red and move at green and slow down at yellow. I tell ya, this teech is one amazonian thinker. She tried, I swear, she tried to make us revolt against the society that tells us to stop at red and go at green. Okay, what if we decided to go at red - then I don't think we'll have the chance to stop at green! Because before we know it, red will be spattered around the pavement, therefore, making all vehicles stop at the sight of red - as well. Nah..sorry teech but the colors just ain't a match.

So as you can see, this topic is really going nowhere, as usual. I wanted to talk of something and ended up talking about another. I think it's the keyboard. It's very nice to touch and my fingers just gets carried away typing while my brain is still battling over what the hell I am suppose to write! D'uh!

Missy....missy....

I've got to see you again...

Maybe it will happen, soon! Real Soon!!

Ticket to Confusion

I passed by the depanneur on my way home today to pick up a lotto ticket. And I remember I put the stash of lotto tickets in my jacket pocket just in case I happen to pass by the store and get a lotto ticket - which I just did, and I just told you. Hey! don't confuse me here!
So there, as I was waiting for the lady behind the cash checking my tickets, she told me, 'this one is from last year!' and I go, 'oh, ok, but can you still check it?' (since it was just October anyway, so technically, if I won the jackpot, I can still claim it since it's not October yet, is it?) She checked it, and of all those tickets, I only got one with $2 winning on it and another with a free ticket win. Yippee! I can celebrate now! Ha! Now the confusion begins. I asked for a $3 ticket and gave her $5, and then she gave me 2 tickets, one is the $3 and the other is a free one. And she told me she will then give me $4 - that is my change from my $5 and the $2 I won. Then I said, ' can u give me another ticket for tomorrow's lottery?' by which she tells me, 'you want $4 worth?' (which confused me, because what I know is the minimum amount for that ticket is $2).. By this time, I just wanna get outta there and just get my damn tickets! So I just said yes, and off I go. Whew!

Okay, so I think I may be the only one confuse here. Or WAS confused. Hey, it's a friday and I am tired. What an excuse, eh?

But what the heck, I got my tickets for tonight's lottery and tomorrow's. And wish I'm holding the lucky ones, so I don't need to buy anymore tickets and get confused all over again.

Some Rein Facts

I was told I was a hard one to live with. Hmm...I want to expound on that. Try to analyze what made these people I've lived with for years say that. By these people I mean, my dear mother - with whom I've lived with for 30 years and Sue - who I've been living with for almost 6 years now. Okay, my mom actually cautioned Sue the first year I was here in Timbuktu, telling her to take care of me and don't be surprised how much of a hard head I am. So, there was already a premeditated assumption of how I am if you live with me. That's tough. Specially if it comes from your mother telling another person - that "my daughter is such a stubborn hard-headed ass, so don't be surprised if she frustrates you at times" okay, not the exact words but something to that effect.
Let me disintegrate this hypothesis known to to people I care about. Ha! I'm pretty sure, you would rather believe my mother if she tells you, right? Well, suit yourself.
When I lived with my folks back in Tralala land, I am pretty much in my own world. My own space. My own bubble. I remember, I don't want anybody touching my things, or using them without my permission. It was like, my things - mine, yours is yours. I slowly graduated from that stage - until I even find myself lending my toothbrush! - but to a friend anyway. It was an emergency case! So don't start getting squimish about it. Arret!
I love having things in order. I love order. I can think better if there's some order around me. The chi flows better. Ha!
Before, I like being specific with lighting in my bedroom. Now, I even read in the dark with only a flashlight to light the pages. People change you know.
So let's talk about the me - now. I have a few house rules - more of your guide to living with me. First, you clean up your own mess. And by mess, I mean, you take something out of the closet and spread it all around, you can put them back as soon as you finish. Sue, would tell me right away that she'd clean up (after taking out whatever is in the closet), because I easily get frustrated when there's a mess and nobody wants to be responsible for it. Don't worry, I try to be more patient as time goes by. I am working on it.
Second house rule, do what you want, go where you want to go, but let me know. Or at least answer your cellfone. Unless of course you don't want to be found.
Third, I wake up early but that doesn't mean everybody has to wake up as early too. I just like to have my quiet time. Quiet time for me means, no talking, just thinking, reading, typing or even cleaning the house. I love my quiet times. In my own space, in my own bubble. I don't usually talk (I chat sometimes online though), so if I am kinda spaced out and by myself, please don't bother carrying a conversation or asking me something I am not prepared to answer.
Fourth, I love making breakfast on Sundays. If you have a problem with that, tough. I love to make breakfast for everybody who is in the household. And also, I love to bake on weekends - specially if there are people who'd love to eat 'em. Also, I would appreciate it if you tell me what you think of my baking and cooking. And Sue gets frustrated when I wanted her to taste it right away - right out of the oven! Bully! Ha! I think I'm a bully!
I know, I know that's not nice. Believe me, I am working hard to change that. I am trying to be patient and calm and cool and collected. So, I guess I am not that hard to live with after all. Just don't burst my bubble.
Ha!

Trouble sleeping

I have trouble sleeping...and so is this song...

Only When I Cry

I draw a puzzle in my mind
and wonder
if my life has changed since the last time.

I step back and look
How my dreams unfold
how I succeeded in some
and how I failed in others.

The minute details of my existence
As I grieve of what I lost
and how I rejoice of what I found.

The aches of life,
of love,
and of sacrifices each day
reminds me I am still a child
wanting, needing..
a warm embrace, a hug.

As I listen to the sentiments
of my soul
and pour my heart
until it aches no more.

I hold on
I hope
and I know
things will get better...

until the next time I cry.

This one exclusive for Mai

Sum of fears..so i think

I have been contemplating on whether to write about this topic for a few days now. I am a little skeptic about the idea of opening up to the cyberworld about my real identity - as a super hero. Ha! gotcha!
Seriously, I wanted to write something about fear. My fears. But my fear of fear kinda gets in the way of me writing about it sooner. But then, what the heck, let's give it a shot, shall we? BANG! BANG!
Since I was small, not that I really grew tall, but when I was still young, sheesh, that should be the word eh?...I have fear of some things, creatures here and there. For one, I have a fear of monkeys. There I said it. I think it started when my cousin's grandma has this pet monkey and it got loose and went to see my baby sister (I was around 4 or 5 ) and unfortunately, I was a bit slow so the monkey got me and harassed me! Ha! My aunt later told me that I was lucky the monkey didn't snag my eye and put it in his mouth or juggled it and tossed it around! (okay, that was a bit too much - that's my own words already). It's not that bad really this fear of monkey, I am just squimish being around them. Although, I don't mind the little monkeys where I work to be around me.
Then back in college, I read this book about fears and phobias, and before I knew it, I had developed a fear of closed spaces - claustrophobia! Okay, I know how it started. Each morning when I ride the bus to school, I would be reading this book and once in awhile glance at the people or my surroundings -otherwise I would miss my stop. And while reading on the topic of claustrophobia, I glanced and saw a lot of people standing inside the bus - like, where did they all come from? And the book was describing that even in a crowd you can feel claustrophobic - Yay!!! get me outta here! I started panicking...sweating, cramps...oh my, and there I was finding myself being claustrophobic among crowds. It's been okay for years now. No worries. I pretty much have it under control I think. Just that I get a little claustrophobic when I think of how being a claustrophobic is!
Then recently, I got this tiny wee bit fear of mushrooms. Yes, those mushrooms that you put in your stir fry or bake with or even grill. Those mushrooms. I don't know where it came from - my mushroomaphobia (okay, it's a made up name - blame me). But all I know is that I feel a little anxiety whenever I have to cut a mushroom - like there'll be a dwarf that would come out from behind the mushroom and tell me ' yee beeta cot dis gud, eh' - whatever! But no worries, I try to overcome this fear and eliminate it as soon as I can. Goodness! I cook with mushrooms and they taste really good!
So there, I made myself vulnerable to the public eye. Judge me if you feel like it. But I know you have your own set of fears too. And I will know 'em sooner or later. Hehehe...

A weekender...ahh nice!

Never mind the guy in the video... he's just trying to emote...hehehehe.

I think I got stomped

Have you ever felt that you have just been scolded by a friend? Well, not just an ordinary friend but a very close one at that. I think I just did got scolded. And worst, it was thru an email. How odd can that be? But for some reason, as I was reading the email, I heard her voice like scolding me and maybe if only it was like one of those letters in Harry Potter movies - which they actually go berserk on you - then you wouldn't be reading this - but I would be nagging it at ya...Ha!
Okay, scolding, like how your mom or dad would scold you when you did something or didn't do something you were supposed to.
I know, I should have seen my doctor when I was feeling some chest pains. But c'mon, it just started when the weather changed. And so, I have to blame it on the weather, right? Besides, I don't even remember the name of my doctor, wait, I think it starts with a D...hmm..(thinking...), Oh ya! it's Dr. Luckow...see! it starts with a D!. Ha! funny eh? No, but kidding aside, the last time I saw him was in 2006 October or September. Sue and I were glad to finally found a family doctor here in Montreal (if you only knew how hard it is to find one). And the last time I saw him - which happens to be the first time as well - well, I was fine. Like, I was fine! Healthy! Nothing wrong with me! Ha! Wait, I forgot to do a blood test which he asked me to do, and also I didn't want to have a flu shot which he suggested I take (since I work @ a daycare) Hell, no way I would take a flu shot - I'd rather take the flu but not the shot.
Anyhow, I am so stubborn going to the doctor. I don't mind waiting accompanying Sue and waiting long hours at the waiting area ( I end up finishing chapters of a book). But for me to wait for me to go in - I don't think I have the patience for that. Unless I really have to. My belief is, if it ain't broke, don't fix it...so if I ain't broke I won't fix me. Which is kinda rhetorical to "no tengo dinero" isn't it. Nah, that's another post.
Sure, they say this country has very good medical benefits. Ha! that my friend is another story.
Don't be deceived by that. You end up paying for your medical insurance once you start paying taxes. And again that's another post.
Anywho, I know how concerned this close friend of mine is. She is slowly discovering that I tend to deliberately procastinate when it comes to me myself and I. I always believe that there are more important things to do other than me going to the doctor only to hear 'em say, "uhm, nothing's wrong with you, you're perfectly okay".
But I appreciate the concern though. Something I don't hear too often from others.

Lil' Miss Muffet (Part Two)

Last night while sitting in front of the puter, I turned and there it was. Another spidey, trying to do ala tarzan - swinging by from one pole to the next (that is, from one chair to another). So, what am I to do? I grabbed a moist cloth, and gave it a good squishy. Ha! Invaders! Don't worry it's a small one as well. But the legs are more defined with this one. Like I can see it clearly - or was it because I am not half asleep like before with the first one.
I tell you, these spideys are crawling into my space. Sure, it feels good a lot of people wants to be close to you. But hey, did I mention people? Ya!..PEEEOPPPLE. I didn't say spideys. I guess it's officially spring! We live on the first floor (no, my name is not Luca, and Luca lives on the second floor). And there's a small lawn in front of the building with some big trees around the building - so I guess, these spideys are out now eh.
Now, how come Charlotte can't control her little spideys?? They're all over the place! Sure, I just found 2 so far.

Another nice song...

For the somebody I know I have. You know who you are.....

Tap your inner talent

For the longest time, you would often hear your teacher, your boss, your family, your neighbor, the guy in the bus, the lady in the street, and whoever you have come across as you journey through life's highway 51 or 65 or 401 (going to toronto) - that you have potential. Ha!
Potential for what, you might ask. Well, they usually just leave you with that, you have potential. Hmm..potential to succeed? to fail? to make an ass out of yourself? or potential to be somebody you are meant to be. Most often than not, when somebody tells you that, you get gooey-eyed and say, "oh..."Ha! Like you never heard of that before. Like you never knew within you that you know you can. D'uh!
But of course, it's always good to know that somebody sees the "potential" in you the way you see it or think you see it. Ha! I am going nowhere again with this. Wait! I will, promise.
Before I joined this melting pot of a country, I know that I can cook and bake. Specially bake. But cook? Hmm...I have yet to master. Then I was left with no other choice but to work in a daycare as a cook. Believe me, it took a lot of guts to be able to get even a bit of confidence in doing it. I would even have to practice at home during my first week, so I won't make mistakes! Poor Sue, has to put up with a hit and miss omelet (She's still alive, isn't she).
And in everyday I cook, I try to see kid's faces, if it's a mess - then I am good. But if their faces are clean, then I failed. Failed for the day. Better luck next day. So, I just make up for their snacks. Don't worry, it got better through the years. I got better. See, I got potential. Ha!
Oh well, I wish I got potential to succeed. Everybody does I guess. Everybody deserves it. Just a matter of tapping that inner talent and heeding that inner voice that keeps on telling you. "Move it! You damn lazy ass!"

Just how I feel

Thank you..
for loving me
in an unusual way
I never imagined you would.

Thank you..
for the kind words
you whisper in my heart
as it beats silently aching for you.

Thank you..
for making my mornings
bright and sunny
as you laugh, as I laugh
even when it's gloomy outside.

Thank you..
for the hugs you give
as I leave for work
and as I come home.

Thank you..
for remembering who I was
and accepting what I have become.

Thank you..
for being the person you are,
unassuming, never pretending.

Thank you..

For being a part of me as I am now a part of you.

Lil' Miss Muffet

This morning, as I was about to sit down and start my morning ritual, I saw a tiny spider trying to crawl out of the hinge of the bathroom door. Nope, it didn't startle me. In fact, I thought, "er, i don't think you will be able to get out, opening is this way". But of course, it is beyond my telepathic powers to convey a message to this spider. So, I did what is the most logical thing to do. I grabbed a tissue and squoosh it. There. Done. And I continued on with my day.
Hey, that was a living thing. You might say. I hear ya. But, I am also a living thing, in case you don't know. And the spidey was invading my space. And it's morning! And what if spidey decides to crawl up to where it shouldn't be - then there would be a feeling of molestation and complete invasion. Eeeeew!
Anyways, it's done and over with. So get a grip of reality, will ya?
I remember when I was about under 10 or maybe under 7, sheesh, you sometimes wonder if I really remember eh? Ha! Okay, I was a kid, and my first squishy was a small lab rat. White one. Its fur so soft, I held it, and squeezed it. Eeeeeow! Yeppers, the rest I will leave to your imagination. Good Luck eating lunch!
Obviously, today's post is going nowhere. Like, I am going nowhere. I just felt like typing away with nothing really in mind. Just pretending that there is something there but nothing really. I haven't had a real long sleep for awhile so I think - nothing. Ha!
Hopefully, I will be able to regain my sensibility soonest before it's too late. Wish me luck!

Waiting for the World to change...NOT

I haven't watch tv for awhile now. Not that we don't have a tv set or don't have any clear reception to where I am (no, I don't think I live in a cave - although it seems to be sometimes, but that's in another post sometime, ok). I haven't watch tv much lately because I don't want to. What any other reason do you want me to say?
Last week, I was introduced to the world of YouTube (yes, I was always skeptical in opening videos online, like some virus might just pop out and strangle me, hence I seldom go to check on YouTube). The clip was so funny I almost dropped from where I was sitting! Okay, maybe it's not something new to the most of ya but it is for me. And to NOT SHARE this will be something I will regret.



See, how the world is changing. Or I think it has already changed.
Here's another one:



Okay, this one is from another country. Let's try some homegrown talents. Which I find not so much entertaining but rather appalling.



And the sad truth is she won the title and will compete for Ms World!!!...Ayayay! The world has changed...and it's pretty scary.

To fret or not to fret

I am tempted to write about what happened today - what my boss told me about my salary increase. I said tempted because, I should not write about it to avoid embarassing the person involved (and it is definitely not me). Also, it would be unethical to write about it but really sooo funny that it can drive somebody mad - as in MAD! With that, you will just have to ask me thru the YM or if u dare to call me.
Yessss, I am known to be like this. I tell you about something that will leave you guessing what the hell I am talking about THEREFORE, you'll either be furious at me for not saying it straight up, or would end up wanting to know more about the juicy part of the story. Or worst, I'd even leave you hanging. Say, "I have to tell you something" , then turn around and say, "but I'll tell it later" Ha!
I'm a tease. But let me tell you something about that incident, it was not something about what that person did but what came out of her mouth. Meaning: what she said. That left me instead of getting mad and walking out, I wanted to laugh! Like, " ha, ha that was pathetic! you're pathetic".
But honestly, if you were the one who heard it, you'd walk out the door and slam it and never come back. But you are not me. And I am not you. And me has bills to pay. OK?
Oh what has this world came to? People keeps getting crazy-er everyday! by the minute may I add.
Ha, in case you are waiting when I'm gonna spill whatever it is that I am tempted to tell. You just better buzz me or call me. Or...wait for a couple more posts, maybe then, I would have found the right words to write it eloquently without sounding like a bastard. Huh? Haha!
Keep on guessing my friends. Life should be fun.

Not dozing off

I smell vanilla. Mmmm...french vanilla coffee. Oh if only it was coffee flavored vanilla. Hmm, doesn't sound right.
It's a very gloomy, bed weather day today and I am stuck at home waiting. Waiting for the sun to shine, waiting for the janitors to fix the light fixtures. Waiting for the world to change. Not.
I love to be lazy once in awhile. My idea of being lazy is not really doing anything. But not really standing still.
It's a weekend. A Saturday. It's raining outside. Rein can't go out and play.
So it's gonna be a homey saturday. Let's see what we can do...SLEEP! oh if only. I wish. But as I mentioned before in previous posts, I have a hard time to sleep. My mind is always awake. I don't wanna miss a heartbeat. I don't want to miss anything that might pass me by. I know I'm just making irrational rationalities. Ha! the redundancy of rein...
Seriously, I sometimes think I have sleep deprivation. Okay, this is my blog and I can type anything I want and can think of. So, bear with me. I tried taking an organic tea before going to bed, it says it would help give you a good night sleep. Well, it should, it's made of hops, the plant/herb/or bush that they put in making beers. But after sometime, it's really not too helpful.
I think I should make that call to see my doctor. I should ask for some meds to help me sleep restfully.
Yeah, maybe I should.

What my mind plays and my heart sings....over and over

One of life's miracles

It was a happy day today at the daycare. Somebody is pregnant! Delia is finally having a baby! Woohooo!!
Everybody got into a rather "cheerier" mood (being friday, it's always a happy day), learning of this miracle that has happened to one of "us". Everybody was excited except for Delia, who always tells us she doesn't want to have kids. (The kids she handles is already enough). But how could you not want one of your own? Specially when you are given one. She tells me she is not ready. But who is ever really ready for motherhood? It is a privilege given not to everybody - so it seems. Some days I think I will never be one. (But never say never).
When I was young I never really wanted to have kids. Kids are expensive. But the joy you get is priceless. I guess that's why they invented mastercard and visa.
I learned that when my nephew came into our lives. He was an everyday source of hope, joy and love. You feel a little down, you just have to look at him and you know, things will be alright.
And at the daycare, you know you don't get paid the way you're supposed to, you get frustrated over ingredients, but then again, you hear the kids laugh, sing, gives you a hug once in awhile, and some recent bonus - some of them calling you "tita reina", just melts your heart over and over.
Kids are kids.
I wonder sometimes if I was a joy to adults when I was a kid. Do you ever think that? Do you ever wonder if you brought smiles to adult faces when they see you.
Oh kids are kids...and then they grow up. Fast. And then you hardly know them and they don't remember you.
But I sure hope they do.

Senseless Post

Have you ever had that kind of nap where your body just felt so at rest or just felt it run away from you?
I took a nap today. For the love of me, I rarely take naps, specially on weekdays. But I was tired. So my body said. I didn't want to argue or throw a temper tantrum to myself and with myself. That's a bit hard isn't it? Just thinking about it makes me wonder what the hell I am talking about.
Okay, bear with me right now. As I type, I try to muster any sense that's left in me in trying to convey any meaning about my mere existence here, hence, just being able to type. What d'uh?!?
Now, I am beginning to argue with myself and can't stop typing away. Nagger.

Fine. On with the nap thingy.

Sue woke me up since I still have to bake some lemon loaves. And besides, I asked her to wake me up after an hour of what seemed like an eternal bliss......ah, life...
But of course, I end up waking after an hour and a half. Minutes after waking up, I still feel the bliss my body experienced. I haven't felt like that for quite a long time.
Maybe I should do that more often. Now, which one was it? Sleeping? Waking up? or baking?

Nah, I must be dreaming.

Phony Phonecards

These phonecards which you think are actually saving you money in calling overseas is a hoax! You better believe it.
Since I got here, I have tried using different ones, in the hope of finding the "perfect" one, or even the one that tells the truth about time! Yes! I am mad! Somebody has to start revolting against these phonies! We are not stupid! We can tell time!
Okay, hold your horses...eeeeeeeeeyah!
Most of these phonies would tell you how many more minutes you have as soon as you dialed the number you are calling - say, "you have 42 minutes for this call". For first time users, they would actually believe that you have 42 minutes to gab and then...tick tock tick tock...after a good 20 minutes, one biatch would butt in and say, "you have..(hold your breath) 30 seconds remaining" WHAAAAT???? what kind of timer are they using??? You gotta be kidding me!
And so, you start panicking!!!...all the more speaking jibberish over the phone, with the worst reception ever! And worst, you end up dropping that damn phone! Ha! your worst nightmare has arrived! click. "goodbye" WAIIIIIIIIT!
The biatch says goodbye before you and the person on the other side can start with the "g". I swear, if I get to see that biatch I'm gonna give her a goodone. Biatch!
But of course, we live in a capitalist world. You go to the store and there they are - the depanneur's wall plastered with these colorful phonies, mesmerizing you, calling you...And then you tell yourself, "hmm..i should try the yellow color today...maybe it has a good reception" And voila! After profusely dialing and dialing, trying to connect, you start losing your time. You just lost your $5 to some biatch telling you lies. Lies about time, and mocks you by saying goodbye before you do. Might as well have a recording saying, "you have 42 minutes for this call - NOT! HAHAHAHAHA". Then I could have more respect on that one.
What can we do, we are just mere slaves in this society that mocks us left and right, thinking it's ok to tell us 42 minutes when we will actually get 20 or even less. And if you use your regular landline, heck, it's not just gonna be $5 down the drain, but you will be in it too.
Can't win.
I should just go online.

That achy feeling

This post is about somebody I ache to see. Hmm...present tense, ache, aching, and will be aching to see until I see this person in person. Oh my! I think I have arthritis bad! All achy! Frankly, right now, as I am typing I am beginning to doubt if that is the right spelling of that word. Could somebody tell me! Please!
Okay, okay, I'm okay now. This somebody entered (or re-entered) my dormant-like-mount-royal-life and shaken my quiet and peaceful existence. Ha! This sounds unreal now. But it is real. This somebody is real.
That is why I ache to see this person again. After all these years.
There I go again. Achy. I should just use longing, so I won't have doubts in spelling. Agreed? Agree.
I have never felt so alive in a while. Not that I was dead or in cryo. But you get my drift. And I cannot imagine this somebody, this friend can make me feel this way. Can make me type words that is redundant and yet feels right to type away.
Sometimes I try to think of why I am feeling this way. Achy. Longy - nah, this is not right word. I have other "somebodies" in my life who have always been around. But I guess, when a certain somebody enters or in this case "re-enters" your life, it's a whole new thing. It's a great feeling. And I love it. I hope it's for real. I wish it won't end - the excitement that flows within me when I know this somebody feels the same way as I do. It's a bit odd, but good odd. Never absurd.
Life, I think has a way of presenting people that is good for us. And always at the right time. People who will help us be better than what we think we are. Ones who will push us but not overwhelm. Those that will inspire us to seek the goodness around us and appreciate it even more. People in our lives that are "feel-good" people. You feel good knowing they are there for you and you for them.
And this is the kind of person this somebody is. I have told this somebody over and over how much I appreciate the love and concern we both have for each other. It always feels good to know somebody thinks of you not just while you think of them, but even when you have so many things to think about. See, the redundancy I am talking about?
I know this person is for keeps. This time, there's no letting go. No more drifting away.
And that is a promise I am willing to commit.

Happy Day Brother!

It's my favorite brother's 37th birthday on the 10th. Just making sure I remember.. Yes, he is my favorite brother and my only brother..thank God! Imagine if there were more of them? What would this world be??? (suppose he doesn't read my blog, does he?)

He knows if I got more pictures here with me (6,000miles away), I would put it. Just to annoy him. Ha!
Life's good, kuya! Cheers!

You love Chinese food

I got a surprise today from one of my favorite kiddies at the daycare. Lucas gave me a fortune cookie! It was no surprise for his parents I guess for their little boy to be fond of me - mind you, because of his allergies, he can't eat any food at the daycare, has never eaten any of my cooking - wait, ah, he ate some soup one time 'cause daddy forgot to make his lunch and he was running late for work. Anywho, mommy would usually tell me what new antics he's up to and how he would say my name out loud on their way to the daycare. Mommy told me jokingly that she was jealous! Haha. That was when he was three. He's four now.
So, on with the cookie, I didn't open it right away since I was "extremely" busy prepping the lunch for the little monsters. But I got curious. I thought, "hmm...what else could possibly make it more interesting.." So, with my low EQ (emotional quotient people! - sheesh!), I opened it and started munching on the cookie, and pulled out the paper - and it read "You love chinese food". Just that.
I love chinese food. Could there be some Dalai Lama -profound meaning to that? I wonder. So, I continued on puttering in the kitchen while thinking of what deeper meaning that it could possibly say. I began extracting each word. It says YOU, means...ME. Hmmm...it can also mean "you people of the world" or maybe "you, yes you, dumb twit" or perhaps, just me - the simple one, or the chosen one. Hmmm..and then comes the next word LOVE. Ah, the word that sailed a thousand ships. The word that killed millions if not billions of people all over. I thought, finally, a word with deep seated meaning. Love, as the online dictionary says, is synonymous to affection, attachment, devotedness, devotion, fondness, and passion. I liked that last one, passion. So, the chosen one has passion. Ha!
Third word, CHINESE. Hmm..nothing much to it really, like the Chinese people populates like three quarters of the entire world. But hey, what about their characteristics? Chinese people is also known to see opportunity over crisis. They are resilient people (like Filipinos too you know). So, to attach the first two words... the chosen one has passion and is able to see opportunity in every challenged faced. Sounds absurd, but what the heck.
Last word, FOOD. What deep meaning can food have? I dug into what limited vocabulary I have, and thought of food as something that fuels your body. Food is fuel. Food is energy.
Hmm..as you can see here, I did a lot of thinking, made my head ache bad. No worries, motrin is just in the drawer.
Now, let's see what we got here. You translates to the chosen one. And love into passion. Chinese into seeing opportunity in every crisis. Food translates to energy.
So therefore, the small piece of paper I got from that fortune cookie that read: YOU LOVE CHINESE FOOD = The chosen one has passion in seeing opportunity in every crisis energetically?
I think I'll just go with the original one. You love chinese food. And yes, I love chinese food.

Just a bad dream...

Do you ever wake up chest feeling heavy, like you've cried so hard during your sleep? I do, and I just did.
I dreamt (one I can remember) was there's an exchange program of some sort, and people has to host one or two of these "guests"(i don't know where they came from). And in this dream(or nightmare), if there are two of you living in an apartment, one has to move out and go somewhere that "they" have designated to accomodate these "guests". So, Sue and I has to separate ways, and me having the dinner business, has to stay put. Sue left and I started panicking when I learned I don't have anybody to help me do the business. That's why I have chest pains when I woke up. For some stupid dream.
Sometimes, there are things you don't realize can affect you so bad, it can make your eyes watery and chest hurts like there's a ton of bricks laying on you while you sleep. For me, it's one of the worst feelings to have, specially when you are still asleep! Sleeping is supposed to relax your body. And you are "supposed" to wake up feeling refreshed and ready to start your day. Not me. Not today. I am not ready to start the day. I feel crappy and sad and heavy (must be that time of the month).
Nope, I am not in the mood to start lecturing about dreams and all that. I am thinking of how to make my day "uncrappy" - would nutella make a difference? what about shopping? or cleaning? or baking?
Oh, I think I'd just go back to bed and sleep again.

Auto-matic Day

I was in auto-pilot mode today. Like I am just doing what I was supposed to be doing without even thinking or stressing. Do you ever feel like that? Do you have days when your body just automatically does what it usually does.
I walked to work with my mind set on counting how many minutes does it take from point A (for apartment) to point D (for daycare). It took me 12 minutes. And that includes some stops at the intersection, stop at the bus stop (one lady wearing stiletto shoes tip toeing on the icy sidewalk) - so I had to slow down and wait for her to get her butt off the sidewalk (I almost asked her, why wear those anyway? it's still winter, lady!). Okay, breathe in. breathe out.
At the daycare, I knew what menu to cook for today. And I knew I couldn't make it the way I make it. So, comes auto-pilot or in my case, auto-cook. I don't know, but I just put things all together. And hope. And pray. That somehow, it will end up tasting as close to how I "usually" prepare the dish. I putter around the kitchen. Thinking of nothing really - coz my auto-cook is at work. Hey, I didn't even have to listen to classical music today (as my di stresser), I felt like listening to regular pop radio! Sure, my hands are working, but my brain is geared to auto mode. I guess you can call it, I am not myself today.
Obviously, there are benefits of having the auto-pilot at work. No stress. No worrying of how things will end up. The side effects? It made me so bored, by midday, I wanted to go home. I felt like I didn't do anything much. Good thing my auto-cook reminded me that I get paid by the hour and not by the day. So, the day passed and voila! kids are well-fed, couldn't get enough of the food, the adults even asked how I made it.
Oh, if they only knew. My auto-cook did all my day's work.